DAILY MONSTER 53
Good morning! I hope things are going well on your end. If you have a few minutes, you’ve got to read yesterday’s stories. Some great stuff from the Monster Stalwarts and from some new contributors. Check it out:
Of course, Monster 53 is waiting for you, too. He clearly shares a hair stylist with 52, but there are some striking differences, especially in the tongue department. That’s got to mean something, don’t you think? Surely there are uses for such an evolutionary deviation both in business and in one’s private life? Do you think 53 was born this way? Or does the third eye grow in during monster puberty? Does it affect 53’s diet? I’m looking at your eyebrows right now, and from their movement I can tell that you’re forming either a theory or an opinion or possibly both. Please, do share and…
Thank you for checking in! Have a lovely day and don’t you worry: 344 LOVES YOU
You know, I always wondered exactly how to get eyes in the back of my head. Thx so much for the answer. I can’t wait to see him flip it back there.
(I saw “Monster Stalwarts up there and thot it said Martha Stewarts…*L*)
Just think, with an eye like that, you could perform your own esophagogastroduodenoscopy!
Am I still allowed to post here? I know I been gone. I’ll try to be better 🙂
He’s the grilled cheese monster.
This is how I know:
1) He walks around with his mouth open.
2) He’s scary looking so people feed him.
3) What is more yummy than gilled cheese?
4) He has an eye coming from his stomach. What would the eye be looking for? Yummy things! (see #3)
That’s my story. I got to work back in to this.
Fabio was grossly dissapointed. The “roving eye” that had been celebrated in so many Harlequin novels had been replaced with a leering tongue. And the fingers that had so lovingly caressed the heaving ivory bosoms of many a distraught heroine had morphed into something more worthy of Franz Kafka than Judy Devereaux.
Reincarnation was a b*tch. And not even one with proper pouting lips, either. Just a plain old dried-up house-coat-wearing b*tch. Fabio sighed, patted at his pony-tail, and went to find Daily Monster number 38.
Bernadette could hardly stand her own excitement. There she stood at the fence, eyes peeled, waiting in delicious anticipation to catch even the smallest glimpse of her favorite as he walked off the plane.
“Ringo!” she screams. “Ringo I love you!”
holy crap! ringo! that is the funniest thing i’ve read all day.
First off — Welcome back, mogabog! Hope your tests went well.
===================================
“Well, look who it is. Didn’t think I’d see you again, man.” Paul held out his hand for a good shake, but none was received.
Arthur merely looked him straight in the eye and retorted, “It’s because of you that this whole thing is as blown up as it is. I should send you to Ashton Falls in multiple shipments.”
Paul dipped his eyes a little and then gave a defeated smile. His hand raised back and stroked the back of his head, sliding down his ponytail. “Ya… well. Look man, you know I’d change things if I could, but it just doesn’t work that way. Of course, I’ll help in any way I can. I don’t care about the marks people got out on you. They’re my marks too. Might as well be. Don’t think for a minute I’ll let you handle this on your own.”
The two stared at each other for a minute and Arthur pulled out his dad’s gun. “Got this off the old man. I’ll blow my face off if I try to use it. I hear my brother knows how to use these, though.” He chucks it towards Paul. Paul gives it a once over and flips the safety. He starts to laugh and his tongue-eye pops out for a critical look at the weapon.
“Your damn straight I know how to use one, bro. Let’s create some hell.”
Cleveland loved it when Archie rode his motorcycle with his mouth opened. He could feel the wind whipping through his hair–the freedom he felt. For just those few moments it was as if he wasn’t tethered to the tonsils.
When he’d applied to side-kick school, he had a more conventional career in mind. He was prepared to wear tights, answer phones, or ride shotgun, but live in someone’s mouth? That wasn’t in the brochure.
That’s no third eye, that’s Monster 52! “There wasn’t enough room for both of us with that hairstyle, 52. Sorry. I just had to eatcha.” Poor old 52 has a different story. This snapshot is 52’s plea for help. “Help meh! I’m telling you, I’m not a descendant of Jonas! Really!”
Cooter was proud of his Camaro, his mullet, and his third eye. He named it Blinky Blinkerson. Turns out it was just a freak side effect from a known metabolic glycogen storage disease. GSD is a hereditary condition characterized by a lack of or deficiency in any of the enzymes used by the body to break down glycogen. In Cooter, the GSD caused excess amounts of an abnormal glycogen to be deposited in the tongue, thus forming a perfect replica of one of his eyes.
In a feat of modern medical proportions, Cooter underwent intensive treatment. Unfortunately, the medicine he took broke down the musculature of his arms and legs and left the glycogenic eye fully intact.
Cooter has such a bright outlook on live. He might have a strange medical condition that has taken his arms, legs and tongue, but it doesn’t keep him down. He is quite an amazing guy. It could be because of his sweet mullet and Camaro too, though. I guess we’ll never know.
Meet Guy Snockerly, host of the wildly popular game show Win Monster Money, and his faithful sidekick Ebberts. Monster fans love Win Monster Money, which requires its contestants first to answer tricky riddles posed by sidekick Ebberts. For every right answer, a monster contestant chooses one hapless groundling out of a nearby pit to be spun on the Wheel of Fun. The monster whose groundling lasts the longest wins the big prize, $200,000 and a lifetime supply of Monster Floss, personally recommended by Guy Snockerly himself.
What I lack in the upstairs, I make up for in other ways.
I am also on a first-name basis with Jay Leno.
ok now I just went back and read posts…..y’all are supberb.
Thaddeus, that is genius.
mogabog, welcome back, hope it went well too!
Had you ever thought of doing monster fonts? I, for one would be interested!
Hiya Instantkiwi. You know, I did do a monster font a while back:
http://www.344design.com/Monster-Gothic-Sheet.jpg
but I never made it into a working font. It’s all just Illustrator art.
Maybe one of you would care to feed this into Fontographer?
Then again, my friends at FWIS got there first anyway:
http://fwis.com/?list=typography
OMG, don’t tell me that’s a mullet i’m seeing…
Die sprichwörtlichen Haare auf den Zähnen kennt jeder, obwohl…hat die schon jemand jemals gesehen? Da würden sich einem ja die Nackenhaare sträuben.
Das Auge auf der Zunge ist für alle gut sichtbar, aber…kennt jemand seine Bedeutung?
Möglicherweise ist es das ominöse innere Auge; so ganz frei nach dem Motto: Man sieht nicht nur mit dem Herzen, sondern auch mit der Zunge gut.