WEEKLY MONSTER 116
Good morning. Considering that I’ve actually posted a few items this week already, I don’t even have to apologize to you about being a bad blogger. So… then… we can launch right in! Please say Hello to Monster 116:
Now, I don’t want to put any pressure on you, but I think there are stories here. And as always, I’m counting on you to tell me what’s going on. For example ***spoiler alert*** what’s the relationship between these two monsters? Are they a pair? A team? A couple? Master and pet? Master and student? Or did one just suddenly sidle up to the other? (Incidentally, when was the last time you had occasion to sidle?) Are there words spoken? Or grunts exchanged? Is there food involved? Or a purchase of classified microfiche? Inquiring minds want to know. Won’t you please…
I’m excited to see your theories! Until then, greetings from the book design trenches! And, please… won’t you remember that 344 LOVES YOU
Sweater Boy is making the face my dog makes when he farts. I suspect the Hovercraft is what my dog envisions the fart looking like.
Herein we see the illustrious Dr. Cambridgewise, interrupted during his daily stroll about the veranda of his skyscraping estate by a drifting, fast-talking and oddly endearing stranger.
Brothers Flasche and Rakete Königlich were originally cast to play alongside Owen Wilson in The Darjeeling Limited, but differences quickly arose. They refused to dress themselves as directed by Wes Anderson, and demanded a double-decker dressing room with a bowling alley, plasma television and full wet bar. They proceeded to show up for their scenes completely hammered during the first two weeks of filming and were ultimately let go, setting the stage for Brody and Schwartzman.
It was Wednesday night, and Whiman “Ladies Man” Snarl was looking good. And why shouldn’t he? It was his favorite night of the week. It was time to destroy another career, time to show the world just how cruel he could be, time for a new episode of American Mutant Idol.
Along with Raula, a personified roomba vacuum cleaner, Whiman was one of the judges on the most popular show on the Box Network. He was also audience’s favorite judge. Since Raula only rolled around the stage floor cleaning up dropped platitudes, and especially since the on camera accidental eating of the third Judge, Candy Randy, Whiman was the only judge who could actually speak a comment on the various performances. Whiman had apologized to Candy Randy’s family and friends, but Candy Randy had just looked too sweet for his own good.
Raula circled the dressing room floor as Whiman completed his make-up check. He saw no blemishes, no one did for his skin was as charred as his mutant soul. Satisfied he and Raula moved up the stairs to take their places at the foot of the stage.
“Come on, Raula,” he said, ” let’s clean up these acts. It’s almost showtime.”
Well, Westin was on his way to his favorite cafe for some cream of asparagus soup and a cup of tea. He was concerned, though, because lunching on anything at all tended to be a rather messy proposition as he had no mouth to speak of, and he was wearing his very favorite new sweater. He typically ate soup by submerging the better part of his face in the bowl and sniffing delicately. It took some time for the soup to cool off enough to achieve this, and he was in a bit of a hurry. He was worried, therefore, that he would end up harboring a good amount of soup or tea in his turtleneck. Preoccupied thus, he nearly tripped over the piteous figure before him, a portly monster hunkered under a shade tree and squinting into the sun. He was holding a sign that read “Will Work for Sunglasses. God Bless.” Normally, this would have tugged on Westin’s heartstrings considerably, especially as the monster had at least 2 pairs of eyes that Westin could see and looked to be very uncomfortable. But really, Westin was transfixed by the creature’s mouth. It was huge! Just think of all the soup one could consume with a mouth like that, and from the looks of the monster, it had consumed mightily indeed. But alas, although Westin had already decided to furnish the creature with sunglasses, there was no way it could ease Westin’s soup-eating woes. He made his introduction nonetheless and learned that the rotund monster’s name was Marco. Westin ushered Marco into the cafe to treat him to some lunch and hear more of his plight. To Westin’s amazement, Marco did not confine himself to eating soup and drinking tea. He serenely crunched down his bowl, a teacup and a full complement of flatware. As he nibbled delicately on a napkin in anticipation of polishing off the bistro table, Westin suggested that they repair to his flat to continue their discussion. As they left, Westin noticed that Marco left a wide swathe of cleanliness in his wake – everyplace he had just been seemed to sparkle. Westin began to think that he may have found a solution to his messing dining problem….
Edward knew his pet carpet went totally gaga over women, but really, the librarian?
Hello! I’m kelley, i was going to repaint my room black and white, with noir-film characters, but now i found your awesome websiet, i think i’m going to repaint my room full monsters!
thanks a lot!
keep up the work!
kelley
BFF
It is with deep respect that I humbly submit a brief and extremely concise history of monsters [http://jimdoran.net/joy/?p=14]. I was fortunate enough to capture a monster attack with my camera.
Sincerely,
Jim Doran
Monster Historian
Mister Hoover führt seine Erfindung, sein Luftkissentier Hoovy entlang des Hollywood Boulevards spazieren. Er hofft auf berühmte Kundschaft. Um auf seinen Hoovy aufmerksam zu machen, begibt er sich täglich auf den Walk of Fame und lässt sein Luftkissentier mit den Microfaserfransen die Sterne sämtlicher Berühmtheiten auf Hochglanz polieren. Einige Anfragen und Bestellungen hat Mister Hoover schon im Sack. Eine besonders exzentrische Lady will ihren Hoovy mit pink eingefärbten Fransen und einem mit Diamanten besetzten farblich passenden Halsband, eingebautem Erdbeerduftzerstäuber und Ambi-Light-Dioden.
Ein Glück kann Mister Hoover das Kommunikationsmodul der Luftkissentiere bei der Übergabe an den Kunden auf stand by schalten, denn wer weiss, welchem Hoovy sonst nicht ein paar sehr unpassende Worte bezüglich Farbwahl und so, entschlüpft wären.
Jake’s dog needs to see a dentist to see if he has the dreaded “orange mouth cancer”.