DAILY MONSTER 141
Good morning. Happy Friday! I hope things are well with you, and that you’re enjoying the still somewhat newly Daily Monsters. GristleBean is emerging as the new resident storyteller. He gets today’s banner all to himself:
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you can’t go back and post a story about Monsters 140 today. There’s no cut-off on this. Just fill in the blanks as the ink moves you. For now, I hope you’ll enjoy Monster 141:
A strange creature, this one. (I mean… versus the previous 140 totally normal monsters.) I’m very curious to see if it gives you ideas. What led to this particular evolutionary adaptation? What makes this particular structure biologically useful? What is this monster’s purpose? What is its way in the world? Its raison d’être, if you will? Its je ne sais quoi? Its Pourquoi?
Won’t you please…
Have a great Friday, and a lovely, mellow weekend ahead.
If you’re checking from home, new monsters will be waiting
for you here tomorrow and on Sunday. Why? Because 344 LOVES YOU
We find Mr. Homer Simpson sitting on his couch blithely watching the evening news. Suddenly, hears a commotion, the likes of which he has never before heard. With a quick scream of panic, he steps outside only to view the monstrous ship as it slowly hovers over Springfield. The mesmerizing beams of light attract him like dirty fleas to a mangy dog. Trancelike, gaze fixed, he staggers closer and closer until finally he boards the huge alien vessel.
Moments later, he is surrounded by millions of ant-sized alien life forms who begin to decimate his earthform and quickly transform him to the shape of their host life. But in the nick of time, Marge’s sister tosses out a cigarette that happens to land in the ship’s waste fumes. Although the aliens are far more advanced than their earthen counterparts, they never counted on earth-cigarettes or their inherent dangers and the mighty ship explodes throwing Homer out and in the process, saving all of Earth.
Homer survived, but since then, he hasn’t been the same. Oh, he still blithely watches the news, but he is now a very dark charred black and he looks a little different, but he has been able to retain his signature diaper looking underwear.
D’oh!
o, how powerfull will it be, when it grows up. will the diapers grow up with it?
it will be very usefull for the daily housekeeping with its extraordinary eyenose,(or its a noseeye?) its very sharp teeth and the odour out of its diapers. all the little beasts will be petrified with horror, when they hear it coming. as fast as possible all the spiders, mites and microbes will disappear forever. what a wonderful evolutionary revolution.
o, how powerfull will it be, when it grows up. will the diapers grow up with it?
it will be very usefull for the daily housekeeping with its extraordinary eyenose,(or its a noseeye?) its very sharp teeth and the odour out of its diapers. all the little beasts will be petrified with horror, when they hear it coming. as fast as possible all the spiders, mites and microbes will disappear forever. what a wonderful evolutionary revolution.
Meet Perv. Here’s his mugshot after he was picked up for peeping thru the offset fence around the women’s changing room at the beach.
The Thumb-Eyed Barkobeast lives in abandoned pantries, hoarding broken saucers and bowls like a dragon’s accountant hoards gold. While toothsome and socially bludgeoning, he means to be friendly, though it’s not often he’s able to. On days out such as this, he sports only the best of his collection, either in the way of bowl-briefs or a platekini, for modesty.
You’re right Inanna, he is a perv. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old. But he’s cleaned up his act recently. Gotten off the crank, picked his life up and started to live again. He’s seeing someone now too, has a date next Wednesday. I say we give him another chance.
“After extensive biological and anatomical testing, I regret to announce that our findings are… inconclusive. This thing may or may not be human.”
– Dr. Marvin Monroe
Susie was so excited about her job at the Home For Elderly Monsters. How much fun! She would lead activities for the old monsters, like dancing the cha cha cha, knitting sweaters for funny shaped monsters, and, her favorite, monster Mini Golf, with baby human eyes for the balls.
As soon as she got on her pink striped uniform, Mr. Monster Peterson, the Home Director, handed her a yellow rubber glove and a toothbrush. “Room 249,” he said. “I want those teeth so clean they shine.”
“But I thought I was…”
“Get on it. Nap times at 3pm and I’ll need you to tuck in Floor 5.”
Susie knocked lightly on the door of room 249. “GET THE %&$#* AWAY FROM MY DOOR” She had never heard a monster use such words. “Mr. Ronnie Chompers? I’ve come to brush your teeth!”
“$%&#(@ NO ONE’S EVER BRUSHED MY TEETH BEFORE AND IF YOU TRY, I’M A GONNA BITE YOUR LITTLE HEAD OFF.”
Susie cracked open the door to see the longest, yellowist set of teeth she’d ever seen, and two bulging eyeballs that wiggled when he yelled.
But she was a clever girl and she had an idea. “Alright then, how about nap time, Mr. Chompers. I’ll sing you a song.” And in her little squeaky voice, she sang, so sweetly: GOOD NIGHT MONSTERS EVERYWHERE, SLEEP AND DREAM, WITHOUT A CARE. IN THE MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE, WE WILL EAT SOME BABY CAKES”
“Oh, my moma used to sing me that song, sing it again!” Pretty soon, Old Ronny Chompers was fast asleep. He snored with his mouth wide open, letting our puffs of the foulest smelly gasoline fume dog-fart breath you ever smelled.
Susie put on the gloves and went at the teeth. By the time she finished, she had extracted an old leather boot, a pound of gristle, and the spine of a tuna fish with the eyes still in it.
She tiptoed away to the door just as old Ronnie Chompers was talking in his sleep. He licked his teeth. “MINT! PEPPERMINT! *(*%&*# MAMA, don’t make me brush my teeth!” He yelled something fierce, then the hacked up a big spitball, turned over, and started to snore. But those teeth were shining just like pretty white pearls.
Monsterwindel…Monsterwindelfüllung…
Monsterwindelfüllungsausdünstungen…
Monsterbaby 141 krabbelt, babbelt, sabbelt(hmm, hat sich da eine kleiner frühkindlicher Sprachfehler eingeschlichen?)Beisserchen zeigend über den Bildschirm.
Die Einschaltquoten schnellen während der vorabendlichen Werbepausen sprunghaft in Rekordhöhe.
Denn alle wollen sie, die Mega-Monster-Nasenklammer.