DAILY MONSTER 189 (of 200)
Good morning. Welcome to the second to last week of the Daily Monsters. Only 11 more monsters to go until the big Two-Oh-Oh. If you’ve ever thought of posting a story, now is the time to strike! Let yourself be inspired by the excellent tales that came in over the weekend. (Note: If you’re reading with your kids, there are one or two posts that go beyond a G rating.)
Of course, Monster 189 is already waiting for you:
Looks like 189 is well rested from the weekend, and ready to have at the new week. What happened to him these past two days that makes him so chipper, do you think? I’d love to hear your theories. If you can eek out a minute, please go ahead and…
I hope you’ll have a fabulous week
of good vibes and good news!
You can always count on the fact
that 344 LOVES YOU
I went to the greatest dinner party last night. I wasn’t going to go, but my friend Marlotta, the hostess convinced me. You see, I have issues in that it’s all I can do to keep from falling on my chin when there isn’t food in my mouth, but add so much as a bite and the extra weight pulls me right to the floor. Well, Marlotta hand painted this funky vintage stool so that I can rest my chin on it while eating…she even added little handles and wheels so that I can move it around easily. Not even the hors d’oeurves were an issue…and believe me you they were the source of a lot of embarrassment in college. No more hiding in my apartment when it’s time to eat! Life is good!
The best thing that ever happend to him…
These flimsy legs are like a miracle. That’s the reason, why he is so chipper.
A little bit of sunday morning work out, a little bit of dancing and pirouetting with dust-mice and mites, that’s it…and you’ll get legs like a model.
Though the cheerleader rejected him yesterday, Jorge woke up this morning feeling happy and ready to face the challenges of the day. Maybe, just maybe, today she would smile at him. “The daily monster is like a mirror,” he tells himself, “smile, and they will smile back..” Little did Jorge know that tomorrow- someone would enter his world- and change everything.
Graath walked gently out towards the edge of the cliff. Before his feet, the soft grass broke into rough rocks and boulders, then dropped away suddenly in a sheer cliff, shattering onto a sea-blasted shore, a thousand feet below.
A cool breeze blew up the rock face, firm and consistent, cut with the smell of the sea. Facing the cliff-edge, with arms outstretched behind, Graath pulled gently on the fine web of lines laid out on the grass behind him. The edge of his kite-like canopy slowly lifted until it caught the breeze. With a familiar ‘woosh’, it came to life: broad pockets bulged with air, forming the shape of a wing. Like a giant, flying air mattress, it swept up over his head and into the sky above, drawing him forwards towards the drop.
He paused. The brightly-coloured wing, hovered uncertainly above his head, glowing yellow against a deep blue sky. His weight suspended beneath it momentarily.
Seagulls wheeled before him, screaming as they performed impossible feats with ease. Collapsing their fragile wings, they dropped like broken toys, then regained flight and soared, taunting him with their effortless skill. Calling for him to join them: Cackling at his hesitation.
Graath pulled gently on the lines suspending him, slowly tilting the flying canopy into the wind to increase its lift. He felt his weight shift as the wing responded, inching him slowly out over the edge of the cliff. First one heel lifted off the ground, then the other. Only his toes grazed across the dirt as he leaned towards the drop. A broad grin spread slowly across his face, and his eyes grew wide.
Unaware of Graath’s position, a rabbit plopped out of her burrow before him. Startled, she froze as the grinning predator slid menacingly overhead, glowing golden wings blocking out the sky, boots scraping past her cosy home. Then it was gone. A gentle shower of pebbles settled amongst the rocks. She paused, shook herself, then started to graze. Far beneath, great ocean waves met the end of trans-Atlantic journeys, throwing themselves to their deaths on unforgiving crags. Leaving nothing.
All its life, Wemowm had dreaded going to the dentist. All those teeth meant there was bound to be some kind of problem every six months.
However, this visit would be different… after much deliberation, Wemown had come up with a solution. Wemown strode confidently into the dentist’s office and slid gracefully on to the chair. “Give me dentures!” he demanded. The dentist wept as he knew this was the end of the outrageous bills he’d been able to submit in the past.
What you see here is Wemown with all new cavity-free teeth. Too bad Wemown didn’t pay that kind of attention to its all-too-hairy back.
Lowdown Bongoballyhoo, the drummer for the “Monstermashups” just finished layin down the latest hit “Tachometer Toes”….man…Lowdown can doublebass better than Vinnie Colaiuta. Can’t wait to hear them jam over at “happening lane” with Zappanose and the gang. Lowdown hears they’re smokin ribs, corn and pistachios…they got their toothpicks…it’s springtime man…..too hip…gotta go..peace
Vacqueline had many physical issues that made her life quite difficult, but her fellow monsters scoffed at them. Why? Because her tiny feet allowed her to buy sample sizes of exquisite designer shoes at prices other monsters could only dream about.
Looking into the mirror at the shoe store, Vaqueline’s eyes lit. She smiled, and did not see the shoe salesman shudder at the sight.
Perhaps, she thought, *perhaps*–the other monsters were *right* to envy her.
My levitation powers can be equalled by NO ONE!
The reason Monster 189, or Chip as I will call him starts like this…
It was Saturday morning and Chip had just finished his daily cup of coffee. He went to do his weight lifting, when his friend Theodore came up. Chip said”hey, how’d you get such big muscels? I work out every day!” Theodore replied”All I did was drink a muscle-up…”Chip ran out to buy one but didn’t here the last part which was,”MAKE SURE TO READ THE DIRECTIONS!!!!” That part was VERY important. But again Chip did not hear it. So when he got the muscel-up he drank the whole bottle at once. Chip started to feel drowsey so he took a nap. When he woke he noticed his feet were on the floor but he was still in bed. Suddenly he heard the doorbell ring. When he answered the door it was Theodore. Theodore screamed”I told you to read the directions!” Now you’ll have lodes of energy and one you’ve already figured… pernament long legs.
Festus broke off from the group to do some snooping. “Madame Tussaud won’t mind if I take home a little souvenir” he thought. It was the end of the day and most of the tourists had exited the floor. He was after one thing in particular, hoping against hope he wouldn’t get caught.
Gracefully, he cut through the wax, taking his time but hurrying through it just the same—his heart was in his throat. Finally, he freed the form from it’s original resting place. But just as he was pocketing his prize, the alarms kicked in.
Unbeknownst to Festus, the guards had been watching his every move from a surveillance camera overhead.
Once in custody, in a back room of the museum front office, the guards asked a remorseful Festus one simple question, “Just what were you going to do with Paul McCartney’s middle finger anyway?”
Pat had finally perfected his bdy for diving. His ginormous head would always sink his body downward while the speed would force his skinny limbs in a nice straight line. He would get perfect tens every time. There was one downside however. Whenever he would fall, his head would always be the first to hit the ground like the buttered side of toast.
Subject #318-F of the study, as you see, had some… uh… adverse effects. We initially thought it might have had something to do with the high altitude in which he lived in , but decidedly the diet pills as the catalyst of his condition…are something to be discussed in great detail by the pharmacology group, perhaps in our round-robin pep talk this afternoon. I hope Gretchen brings those danishes like she did last time when we had the guy that had turned into a puddle of…oh silly me. I’m getting off topic. Where was I? Oh, yes. 318-F.
(Fumbles through paperwork)
Mind you, the subject is quite happy for the supposed immediate weight loss. He keeps repeating words such as ‘svelte’ and ‘trim’ into the lab microphone. Apart from this, it seems a.. erm, huge success.
(So, he really didn’t lose weight. He just grew very, VERY big. And his head, what’s the measurement at? Hat diameter of eleven meters. He is, at this state, oblivious to his size.
We didn’t put any objects in the room with him yet, for concern the scale might give him quite a shock. We’re preparing a dumpster full of something innocuous like mashed potatoes in hopes that he might think carb-loading might be part of the diet.)
…
So then, this emergency stockholder meeting is at a close? No questions? Speechless, eh? I was batting around a name or two for the diet supplement. Relativo-trim? Perspecti-Loss? I’ll pass it along to marketing, but you know how they hate suggestions. Perhaps you’ll put in a good word?
Hyplar was a very shy boy at first, but once he got his braces off, he was a hit with the ladies!
They never said I’d be a good dancer, but I showed them! My tiny feet made me perfect for the Tapalooza: the monsters Tap dance marathon. I one nine metals. This bitch in front wanted to win, but I was like, girl please, this queen’s lots shit on you!