DAILY MONSTER 66
Good morning. I hope you’ve got yourself a good cup of coffee, a delicious Danish, or your alternative stimulant of choice and you’re ready to begin the new work week. And what better way to really ease into things than by spending a few minutes reading yesterday’s monster stories?
Monster 66 is a fashion plate. Just look at those stylish neck rings. It’s a little bit Jetsons, it’s a little bit indigenous peoples of the Amazon. Does 66 have a career in fashion? Or is it just a private desire to look snappy? What do you think? Let your inner gossip columnist come out and…
On a technical note: The monsters are now available as a video podcast on iTunes. Download them to your computer (or onto your video iPod, you lucky duck!) and enjoy them in a whole new way. So far, episodes 20 to 65 are posted, but I’ll upload the first 19 monsters in the next couple of days, so you can have a complete set. And for the YouTube purists among you, the monsters are always posted there, too.
Thank you for joining me for another week of monsters.
I hope you’ll make it through this Monday in one piece.
Surely you realize that 344 LOVES YOU
The illusive Bill Proudmane was once proud of his exquisite mane of long, fine, flowing locks. Unfortunately, male pattern baldness hit him at an early age. However, not one to stay down (and always having an ace up his sleeve) he now waxes the place where hair appears no more.
Bill is one of those trouble makers that you would never suspect is a trouble maker. The kind that, if you would see him walking down the street, you would think to yourself “there goes a nice fellow. Probably not very interesting, though.” However, Bill has a rather interesting habit of using his large reflective surface which now sits where hair once sat to shine the sun into the eyes of unsuspecting souls just going about their daily business.
You can tell he’s rather chipper at the moment, posing for the camera and giving a thumbs up, his tail proudly outward in a stance that tells leaps and bounds of self achievement. Obviously he’s just shone some unsuspecting individual when they were least expecting it.
Should you ever find yourself driving along, and off to one side there’s a rather bright glare off of someone’s windshield… more likely than not, that’s just Bill, doing what he does best.
So next time this happens to you, don’t get annoyed, just chuckle to yourself, and go “oh, that Bill. He’s got a nice set of neck rings.”
She reached around to flick the light on. The General Electric® 60watter blew a fuse and popped out after one last bright flash of incandescence. She thought she’d have to pee in the dark, which was no problem since she knew her own bathroom quite well, but then she remembered that a friend had given her Not Dim lightbulbs for a stocking stuffer gift. So she hauled out the box, which contained One Not Dim Bulb by Not General Electric, removed the Bulb from its clever little round body-shaped holder (with nice little spats on its feet too) and screwed it in place. This was ten years ago and Not Dim is still going strong.
***
actually, last night one of my bathroom lights really did go out…great timing on this one, Stefan! I like his turtleneck thingy.
Teenagers can be so cruel to those who don’t fit in. And Tami was certainly one of those. Poor girl. No chin and all nose making her the gangly and gawky laughing stock of her class.
Of course, the teacher talks of how it will be those who did not fit in highschool that will be the multimillionaires of the future. And of course, her mother always tells her that no matter how ugly, Tami will always be her favourite daughter.
But c’mon. Nobody really believes that.
This is Travis McDevitt, erstwhile Christmas tree lightbulb morphed into monster, hitchhiking his way from Vermont to Arizona. A Trailways bus has just roared past and he is looking after it, shocked that it did not stop to pick him up. The reason it did not stop is that he is a mere 3.5 inches tall. Travis, like very small dogs, has no awareness of his shortcomings and considers himself just as big as any other monster on the road. “Dude,” he’s saying after the bus, “pick me up.”